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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
40
VIII.
Odditus
Soccorum,
or
oddness
of
the
socks,
a
thing
in
itself
trifling,
but
of
an
alarming
nature
if
met
in
combination
with
Contractio
Pantalunae.
Cases
are
found
where
the
patient,
possibly
on
the
public
platform
or
at
a
social
gathering,
is
seized
with
a
consciousness
of
the
malady
so
suddenly
as
to
render
medical
assistance
futile.
SURGICAL
CASES
It
is
impossible
to
mention
more
than
a
few
of
the
most
typical
cases
of
diseases
of
this
sort.
I.
Explosio,
or
Loss
of
Buttons,
is
the
commonest
malady
demanding
surgical
treatment.
It
consists
of
a
succession
of
minor
fractures,
possibly
internal,
which
at
first
excite
no
alarm.
A
vague
sense
of
uneasiness
is
presently
felt,
which
often
leads
the
patient
to
seek
relief
in
the
string
habit--a
habit
which,
if
unduly
indulged
in,
may
assume
the
proportions
of
a
ruling
passion.
The
use
of
sealing-wax,
while
admirable
as
a
temporary
remedy
for
Explosio,
should
never
be
allowed
to
gain
a
permanent
hold
upon
the
system.
There
is
no
doubt
that
a
persistent
indulgence
in
the
string
habit,
or
the
constant
use
of
sealing-wax,
will
result
in--
II.
Fractura
Suspendorum,
or
Snapping
of
the
Braces,
which
amounts
to
a
general
collapse
of
the
system.
The
patient
is
usually
seized
with
a
severe
attack
of
explosio,
followed
by
a
sudden
sinking
feeling
and
sense
of
loss.
A
sound
constitution
may
rally
from
the
shock,
but
a
system
undermined
by
the
string
habit
invariably
succumbs.
III.
Sectura
Pantalunae,
or
Ripping
of
the
Trousers,
is
generally
caused
by
sitting
upon
warm
beeswax
or
leaning
against
a
hook.
In
the
case
of
the
very
young
it
is
not
unfrequently
accompanied
by
a
distressing
suppuration
of
the
shirt.
This,
however,
is
not
remarked
in
adults.
The
malady
is
rather
mental
than
bodily,
the
mind
of
the
patient
being
racked
by
a
keen
sense
of
indignity
and
a
feeling
of
unworthiness.
The
only
treatment
is
immediate
isolation,
with
a
careful
stitching
of
the
affected
part.
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