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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
41
"It
would
be
hard
on
the
comic
papers,"
said
the
Poet,
who
was
getting
a
little
unpopular
with
his
fellow-boarders
because
of
his
tendency,
recently
developed,
to
take
the
Idiot's
part
in
the
breakfast-table
discussions.
"They
might
be
so
successful
that
the
barber-shops,
instead
of
taking
the
comic
papers
for
their
customers
to
read,
would
employ
one
or
more
of
them
to
sit
in
the
middle
of
the
room
and
crack
jokes
aloud."
"We
couldn't
rival
the
comic
papers
though,"
said
the
Doctor,
wishing
to
save
his
dignity
by
taking
the
bull
by
the
horns.
"We
might
do
the
jokes
well
enough,
but
the
comic
papers
are
chiefly
pictorial."
"You'd
be
pictorial
enough,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Wasn't
it
you,
Mr.
Pedagog,
that
said
the
Doctor
here
looked
like
one
of
Cruikshank's
physicians,
or
as
if
he
had
stepped
out
of
Dickens's
pages,
or
something
like
it?"
"I
never
said
anything
of
the
sort!"
cried
the
School-master,
wrathfully;
"and
you
know
I
didn't."
"Who
was
it
said
that?"
asked
the
Idiot,
innocently,
looking
about
the
table.
"It
couldn't
have
been
Mr.
Whitechoker,
and
I
know
it
wasn't
the
Poet
or
my
Genial
Friend
who
occasionally
imbibes.
Mr.
Pedagog
denies
it;
I
didn't
say
it;
Mrs.
Pedagog
wouldn't
say
it.
That
leaves
only
two
of
us--the
Bibliomaniac
and
the
Doctor
himself.
I
don't
think
the
Doctor
would
make
a
personal
remark
of
that
kind,
and--well,
there
is
but
one
conclusion.
Mr.
Bibliomaniac,
I
am
surprised."
"What?"
roared
the
Bibliomaniac,
glaring
at
the
Idiot.
"Do
you
mean
to
fasten
the
impertinence
on
me?"
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