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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
42
Topic
IV.--"Why
was
I
born?
Why
should
I
breathe?"
Here
I
quite
agree
with
you.
I
don't
think
you
ought
to
breathe.
Topic
V.--You
demand
that
I
shall
show
you
the
man
whose
soul
is
dead
and
then
mark
him.
I
am
awfully
sorry;
the
man
was
around
here
all
day
yesterday,
and
if
I
had
only
known
I
could
easily
have
marked
him
so
that
we
could
pick
him
out
again.
Topic
VI.--I
notice
that
you
frequently
say,
"Oh,
for
the
sky
of
your
native
land."
Oh,
for
it,
by
all
means,
if
you
wish.
But
remember
that
you
already
owe
for
a
great
deal.
Topic
VII.--On
more
than
one
occasion
you
wish
to
be
informed,
"What
boots
it,
that
you
idly
dream?"
Nothing
boots
it
at
present--a
fact,
sir,
which
ought
to
afford
you
the
highest
gratification.
The
Force
of
Statistics
They
were
sitting
on
a
seat
of
the
car,
immediately
in
front
of
me.
I
was
consequently
able
to
hear
all
that
they
were
saying.
They
were
evidently
strangers
who
had
dropped
into
a
conversation.
They
both
had
the
air
of
men
who
considered
themselves
profoundly
interesting
as
minds.
It
was
plain
that
each
laboured
under
the
impression
that
he
was
a
ripe
thinker.
One
had
just
been
reading
a
book
which
lay
in
his
lap.
"I've
been
reading
some
very
interesting
statistics,"
he
was
saying
to
the
other
thinker.
"Ah,
statistics"
said
the
other;
"wonderful
things,
sir,
statistics;
very
fond
of
them
myself."
"I
find,
for
instance,"
the
first
man
went
on,
"that
a
drop
of
water
is
filled
with
little
...
with
little
...
I
forget
just
what
you
call
them
...
little--er--things,
every
cubic
inch
containing--er--containing
...
let
me
see...."
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