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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
43
"If
you
swim
in
water
as
well
as
you
do
in
verbiage,"
said
the
Bibliomaniac,
"you
must
be
able
to
go
three
or
four
strokes
without
sinking."
"Oh,
as
for
that,
I
can
swim
like
a
duck,"
said
the
Idiot.
"You
can't
sink
me."
"I
fancied
not,"
observed
Mr.
Pedagog,
with
a
smile
at
his
own
joke.
"You
are
so
light
I
wonder,
indeed,
that
you
don't
rise
up
into
space,
anyhow."
"What
a
delightful
condition
of
affairs
that
suggestion
opens
up!"
said
the
Idiot,
turning
to
the
Poet.
"If
I
were
you
I'd
make
a
poem
on
that.
Something
like
this,
for
instance:
"I
am
so
very,
very
light
That
gravitation
curbs
not
me.
I
rise
up
through
the
atmosphere
Till
all
the
world
I
plainly
see.
"I
dance
about
among
the
clouds,
An
airy,
happy,
human
kite.
The
breezes
toss
me
here
and
there,
To
my
exceeding
great
delight.
"And
when
I
would
return
to
sup,
To
breakfast,
or
perchance
to
dine,
I
haul
myself
once
more
to
earth
By
tugging
on
a
piece
of
twine."
Mr.
Pedagog
grinned
broadly
at
this.
"You
aren't
entirely
without
your
good
points,"
he
said.
"If
we
ever
accept
your
comic-paper
idea
we'll
have
to
rely
on
you
for
the
nonsense
poetry."
"Thank
you,"
said
the
Idiot.
"I'll
help.
If
I
had
a
man
like
you
to
give
me
the
suggestions
I
could
make
a
fortune
out
of
poetry.
The
only
trouble
is
I
have
to
quarrel
with
you
before
I
can
get
you
to
give
me
a
suggestion,
and
I
despise
bickering."
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