Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
1
96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
44
"So
do
I,"
returned
Mr.
Pedagog.
"Let's
give
up
bickering
and
turn
our
attention
to--er--Social
Extension,
is
it?"
"Yes--or
Social
Expansion,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Some
years
ago
the
world
was
startled
to
hear
that
in
the
city
of
New
York
there
were
not
more
than
four
hundred
people
who
were
entitled
to
social
position,
and,
as
I
understand
it,
as
time
has
progressed
the
number
has
still
further
diminished.
Last
year
the
number
was
only
one
hundred
and
fifty,
and,
as
I
read
the
social
news
of
to-day,
not
more
than
twenty-five
people
are
now
beyond
all
question
in
the
swim.
At
dinners,
balls,
functions
of
all
sorts,
you
read
the
names
of
these
same
twenty-five
over
and
over
again
as
having
been
present.
Apparently
no
others
attended--or,
if
they
did,
they
were
not
so
indisputably
entitled
to
be
present
that
their
names
could
be
printed
in
the
published
accounts.
Now
all
of
this
shows
that
society
is
dying
out,
and
that
if
things
keep
on
as
they
are
now
going
it
will
not
be
many
years
before
we
shall
become
a
people
without
society,
a
nation
of
plebeians."
"Your
statement
so
far
is
lucid
and
logical,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog,
who
did
not
admire
society--so
called--and
who
did
not
object
to
the
goring
of
an
ox
in
which
he
was
not
personally
interested.
"Well,
why
is
this
social
contraction
going
on?"
asked
the
Idiot.
"Clearly
because
Social
Expansion
is
not
an
accepted
fact.
If
it
were,
society
would
grow.
Why
does
it
not
grow?
Why
are
its
ranks
not
augmented?
There
is
raw
material
enough.
You
would
like
to
get
into
the
swim;
so
would
I.
But
we
don't
know
how.
We
read
books
of
etiquette,
but
they
are
far
from
being
complete.
I
think
I
make
no
mistake
when
I
say
they
are
utterly
valueless.
They
tell
us
no
more
than
the
funny
journal
tells
us
when
it
says:
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
