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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
46
"Last
summer
there
was
a
play
put
on
at
one
of
our
theatres
in
which
there
was
a
scene
at
a
race-track.
At
one
side
was
a
tally-ho
coach.
For
the
first
week
the
coach
was
an
utterly
valueless
accessory,
because
the
people
on
it
were
the
ordinary
supers
in
the
employ
of
the
theatre.
They
did
not
know
how
to
behave
on
a
coach,
and
nobody
was
interested.
The
management
were
suddenly
seized
with
a
bright
idea.
They
invited
several
swell
young
men
who
knew
how
things
were
done
on
coaches
to
come
and
do
these
things
on
their
coach.
The
young
men
came
and
imparted
a
realism
to
the
scene
that
made
that
coach
the
centre
of
attraction.
People
who
went
to
that
play
departed
educated
in
coach
etiquette.
Now
there
lies
my
scheme
in
a
nutshell.
If
these
twenty-five,
the
Old
Guard
of
society,
which
dines
but
never
surrenders,
will
give
once
a
week
a
social
function
in
some
place
like
Madison
Square
Garden,
to
which
the
million
may
go
merely
as
spectators,
not
as
participators,
is
there
any
doubt
that
they
would
fail
to
be
instructed?
The
Garden
will
seat
eight
or
ten
thousand
people.
Suppose,
for
an
instance,
that
a
dozen
of
your
best
exponents
of
what
is
what
were
to
give
a
dinner
in
the
middle
of
the
arena,
with
ten
thousand
people
looking
on.
Do
you
mean
to
say
that
of
all
that
vast
audience
no
one
would
learn
thereby
how
to
behave
at
a
dinner?"
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