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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
47
"It
is
a
great
scheme,"
said
the
Doctor.
"It
is!"
said
the
Idiot,
"and
I
venture
to
say
that
a
course
of,
say,
twelve
social
functions
given
in
that
way
would
prove
so
popular
that
the
Garden
would
turn
away
every
night
twice
as
many
people
as
it
could
accommodate."
"It
would
be
instructive,
no
doubt,"
said
the
Bibliomaniac;
"but
how
would
it
expand
society?
Would
you
have
examinations?"
"Most
assuredly,"
said
the
Idiot.
"At
the
end
of
the
season
I
should
have
a
rigid
examination
of
all
who
chose
to
apply.
I
would
make
them
dine
in
the
presence
of
a
committee
of
expert
diners,
I
would
have
them
pass
a
searching
examination
in
the
Art
of
Wearing
a
Dress
Suit,
in
the
Science
of
Entering
a
Drawing-room,
in
the
Art
of
Behavior
at
Afternoon
Teas,
and
all
the
men
who
applied
should
also
be
compelled
to
pass
a
physical
examination
as
an
assurance
that
they
were
equal
to
the
task
of
getting
an
ice
for
a
young
lady
at
a
ball."
"Society
would
get
to
be
too
inclusive
and
would
cease
to
be
exclusive,"
suggested
Mr.
Whitechoker.
"I
think
not,"
said
the
Idiot.
"I
should
not
give
a
man
or
a
woman
the
degree
of
B.S.
unless
he
or
she
had
passed
an
examination
of
one
hundred
per
cent."
"B.S.?"
queried
Mr.
Pedagog.
"Yes,"
returned
the
Idiot.
"Bachelor
of
Society--a
degree
which,
once
earned,
should
entitle
one
to
recognition
as
a
member
of
the
upper
ten
anywhere
in
Christendom."
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