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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
48
In
a
good,
up-to-date
shop,
while
one
man
is
shaving
the
customer,
others
black
his
boots;
brush
his
clothes,
darn
his
socks,
point
his
nails,
enamel
his
teeth,
polish
his
eyes,
and
alter
the
shape
of
any
of
his
joints
which
they
think
unsightly.
During
this
operation
they
often
stand
seven
or
eight
deep
round
a
customer,
fighting
for
a
chance
to
get
at
him.
All
of
these
remarks
apply
to
barber-shops
in
the
city,
and
not
to
country
places.
In
the
country
there
is
only
one
barber
and
one
customer
at
a
time.
The
thing
assumes
the
aspect
of
a
straight-out,
rough-and-tumble,
catch-as-catch-can
fight,
with
a
few
spectators
sitting
round
the
shop
to
see
fair
play.
In
the
city
they
can
shave
a
man
without
removing
any
of
his
clothes.
But
in
the
country,
where
the
customer
insists
on
getting
the
full
value
for
his
money,
they
remove
the
collar
and
necktie,
the
coat
and
the
waistcoat,
and,
for
a
really
good
shave
and
hair-cut,
the
customer
is
stripped
to
the
waist.
The
barber
can
then
take
a
rush
at
him
from
the
other
side
of
the
room,
and
drive
the
clippers
up
the
full
length
of
the
spine,
so
as
to
come
at
the
heavier
hair
on
the
back
of
the
head
with
the
impact
of
a
lawn-mower
driven
into
long
grass.
Getting
the
Thread
of
It
Have
you
ever
had
a
man
try
to
explain
to
you
what
happened
in
a
book
as
far
as
he
has
read?
It
is
a
most
instructive
thing.
Sinclair,
the
man
who
shares
my
rooms
with
me,
made
such
an
attempt
the
other
night.
I
had
come
in
cold
and
tired
from
a
walk
and
found
him
full
of
excitement,
with
a
bulky
magazine
in
one
hand
and
a
paper-cutter
gripped
in
the
other.
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