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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
48
"It
is
superb!"
cried
Mr.
Pedagog,
enthusiastically.
"Yes,"
said
the
Idiot.
"At
ten
cents
a
function
it
would
beat
University
Extension
out
of
sight,
and,
further,
it
would
preserve
society.
If
we
lose
society
we
lose
caste,
and,
worse
than
all,
our
funny
men
would
have
to
go
out
of
business,
for
there
would
be
no
fads
or
Willieboys
left
to
ridicule."
VII
A
Beggar's
Hand-book
"Mr.
Idiot,"
said
the
Poet
one
morning,
as
the
waffles
were
served,
"you
are
an
inventive
genius.
Why
don't
you
invent
an
easy
way
to
make
a
fortune?
The
trouble
with
most
methods
of
making
money
is
that
they
involve
too
much
labor."
"I
have
thought
of
that,"
said
the
Idiot.
"And
yet
the
great
fortunes
have
been
made
in
a
way
which
involved
very
little
labor,
comparatively
speaking.
You,
for
instance,
probably
work
harder
over
a
yard
of
poetry
that
brings
you
in
ten
dollars
than
any
of
our
great
railroad
magnates
have
over
a
mile
of
railroad
which
has
brought
them
in
a
million."
"Which
simply
proves
that
it
is
ideas
that
count
rather
than
labor,"
said
the
Poet.
"Not
exactly,"
said
the
Idiot.
"If
you
put
a
hundred
ideas
into
a
quatrain
you
will
get
less
money
for
it
than
you
would
for
a
two-volume
epic
in
which
you
have
possibly
only
half
an
idea.
It
isn't
idea
so
much
as
nerve
that
counts.
The
man
who
builds
railroads
doesn't
advance
any
particular
idea,
but
he
shows
lots
of
nerve,
and
it
is
nerve
that
makes
wealth.
I
believe
that
if
you
literary
men
would
show
more
nerve
force
and
spare
the
public
the
infliction
of
what
you
call
your
ideas,
you
would
make
more
money."
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