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1
349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
52
June
6.
Brilliantly
fine
and
warm.
Unable
to
resist
the
sun,
so
I
caught
the
ten
train
to
S----
and
walked
across
the
meadow
(buttercups,
forget-me-nots,
ragged
robins)
to
the
Dipper
stream
and
the
ivy
bridge.
Read
ardently
in
Geology
till
twelve.
Then
took
off
my
boots
and
socks,
and
waded
underneath
the
right
arch
of
the
bridge
in
deep
water,
and
eventually
sat
on
a
dry
stone
at
the
top
of
the
masonry
just
where
the
water
drops
into
the
green
salmon
pool
in
a
solid
bar.
Next
I
waded
upstream
to
a
big
slab
of
rock
tilted
at
a
comfortable
angle.
I
lay
flat
on
this
with
my
nether
extremities
in
water
up
to
my
knees.
The
sun
bathed
my
face
and
dragon
flies
chased
up
and
down
intent
on
murder.
But
I
cared
not
a
tinker's
Demetrius
about
Nature
red
in
tooth
and
claw.
I
was
quite
satisfied
with
Nature
under
a
June
sun
in
the
cool
atmosphere
of
a
Dipper
stream.
I
lay
on
the
slab
completely
relaxed,
and
the
cool
water
ran
strongly
between
my
toes.
Surely
I
was
never
again
going
to
be
miserable.
The
voices
of
children
playing
in
the
wood
made
me
extra
happy.
As
a
rule
I
loathe
children.
I
am
too
much
of
a
youth
still.
But
not
this
morning.
For
these
were
fairy
voices
ringing
through
enchanted
woods.
June
8.
Brilliantly
fine
and
warm.
Went
by
train
to
C----
Woods.
Took
first-class
return
on
account
of
the
heat.
Crossed
the
meadow
and
up
the
hill
to
the
mill
leat,
where
we
bathed
our
feet
and
read.
Ate
a
powerful
lunch
and
made
several
unsuccessful
grabs
at
Caddie
flies.
I
want
one
to
examine
the
mouth
parts.
After
lunch
we
sat
on
the
foot-bridge
over
the
stream,
and
I
rested
on
it
flat
in
the
face
of
the
sun.
The
sun
seemed
to
burn
into
my
very
bones,
purging
away
everything
that
may
be
dark
or
threatening
there.
The
physical
sensation
of
the
blood
flow
beneath
the
skin
was
good
to
feel,
and
the
heat
made
every
tissue
glow
with
a
radiant
well-being.
When
I
got
up
and
opened
my
eyes
all
the
colours
of
the
landscape
vanished
under
the
silvery
whiteness
of
the
intense
sunlight.
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