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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
53
"And
you
think
the
beggar
would
read
it,
do
you?"
asked
the
Bibliomaniac.
"I
don't
know
whether
he
would
or
not.
He'd
probably
either
read
it
or
pawn
it,"
the
Idiot
answered.
"In
either
event
he
would
be
better
off,
and
I
would
have
got
my
ten
per
cent.
royalty
on
the
book.
After
the
Beggars'
Manual
I
should
continue
my
good
work
if
I
found
the
class
for
whom
it
was
written
had
benefited
by
my
first
effort.
I
should
compile
as
my
contribution
to
the
literature
of
mendicancy
for
the
following
season
what
I
should
call
The
Beggar's
Elite
Directory.
This
would
enlarge
my
sphere
a
trifle.
It
would
contain
as
complete
lists
as
could
be
obtained
of
persons
who
give
to
street
beggars,
with
their
addresses,
so
that
the
beggars,
instead
of
infesting
the
streets
at
night
might
go
to
the
houses
of
these
people
and
collect
their
incomes
in
a
more
business-like
and
less
undignified
fashion.
Added
to
this
would
be
two
lists,
one
for
tramps,
stating
what
families
in
the
suburbs
kept
dogs,
what
families
gave,
whether
what
they
gave
was
digestible
or
not,
rounding
up
with
a
list
of
those
who
do
not
give,
and
who
have
telephone
connection
with
the
police
station.
This
would
enable
them
to
avoid
dogs
and
rebuffs,
would
save
the
tramp
the
time
he
expends
on
futile
efforts
to
find
work
he
doesn't
want,
and
as
for
the
people
who
have
to
keep
the
dogs
to
ward
off
the
tramps,
they,
too,
would
be
benefited,
because
the
tramps
would
begin
to
avoid
them,
and
in
a
short
while
they
would
be
able
to
dispense
with
the
dogs.
The
other
list
would
be
for
organ-grinders,
who
are,
after
all,
only
beggars
of
a
different
type.
This
list
would
comprise
the
names
of
persons
who
are
musical
and
who
would
rather
pay
a
quarter
than
listen
to
a
hand-organ.
By
a
judicious
arrangement
with
these
people,
carried
on
by
correspondence,
the
organ-grinder
would
be
able
to
collect
a
large
revenue
without
venturing
out,
except
occasionally
to
play
before
the
house
of
a
delinquent
subscriber
in
order
to
remind
him
that
he
had
let
his
contract
expire.
So,
by
slow
degrees,
we
should
find
beggars
doing
their
work
privately
and
not
publicly,
tramps
circulating
only
among
those
whose
sympathies
they
have
aroused,
and
organ-grinding
only
a
memory."
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