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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
55
With
a
view
to
bringing
some
relief
to
the
guests
at
entertainments
of
this
kind,
I
have
endeavoured
to
construct
one
or
two
little
winter
pastimes
of
a
novel
character.
They
are
quite
inexpensive,
and
as
they
need
no
background
of
higher
arithmetic
or
ancient
history,
they
are
within
reach
of
the
humblest
intellect.
Here
is
one
of
them.
It
is
called
Indoor
Football,
or
Football
without
a
Ball.
In
this
game
any
number
of
players,
from
fifteen
to
thirty,
seat
themselves
in
a
heap
on
any
one
player,
usually
the
player
next
to
the
dealer.
They
then
challenge
him
to
get
up,
while
one
player
stands
with
a
stop-watch
in
his
hand
and
counts
forty
seconds.
Should
the
first
player
fail
to
rise
before
forty
seconds
are
counted,
the
player
with
the
watch
declares
him
suffocated.
This
is
called
a
"Down"
and
counts
one.
The
player
who
was
the
Down
is
then
leant
against
the
wall;
his
wind
is
supposed
to
be
squeezed
out.
The
player
called
the
referee
then
blows
a
whistle
and
the
players
select
another
player
and
score
a
down
off
him.
While
the
player
is
supposed
to
be
down,
all
the
rest
must
remain
seated
as
before,
and
not
rise
from
him
until
the
referee
by
counting
forty
and
blowing
his
whistle
announces
that
in
his
opinion
the
other
player
is
stifled.
He
is
then
leant
against
the
wall
beside
the
first
player.
When
the
whistle
again
blows
the
player
nearest
the
referee
strikes
him
behind
the
right
ear.
This
is
a
"Touch,"
and
counts
two.
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