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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
55
"Plausible
Tales
for
Beggars
to
Tell,"
said
the
Idiot.
"If
the
beggar
could
only
tell
an
interesting
story
he'd
be
surer
of
an
ear
in
which
to
whisper
it.
The
usual
beggar's
tale
is
commonplace.
There's
no
art
in
it.
There
are
no
complications
of
absorbing
interest.
There
is
not
a
soul
in
creation,
I
venture
to
say,
but
would
be
willing
to
have
a
beggar
stop
right
in
the
middle
of
his
story.
The
tales
I'd
write
for
them
would
be
so
interesting
that
the
attention
of
the
wayfarer
would
be
arrested
at
once.
His
mind
would
be
riveted
on
the
situation
at
once,
and,
instead
of
hurrying
along
and
trying
to
leave
the
beggar
behind,
he
would
stop,
button-hole
him,
and
ask
him
to
sit
down
on
a
convenient
doorstep
and
continue.
If
a
beggar
could
have
such
a
story
to
tell
as
would
enable
him
in
the
midst
of
one
of
its
most
exciting
episodes
to
whisper
hoarsely
into
the
ear
of
the
man
whose
nickel
he
was
seeking,
'The
rest
of
this
interesting
story
I
will
tell
you
in
Central
Park
at
nine
o'clock
to-morrow
night,'
in
such
a
manner
as
would
impel
the
listener
to
meet
him
in
the
Park
the
following
evening,
his
fortune
would
be
made.
Such
a
book
I
hope
some
day
to
write."
"I
have
no
doubt,"
said
Mr.
Whitechoker,
"that
it
will
be
an
entertaining
addition
to
fiction."
"Nor
have
I,"
said
the
Idiot.
"It
will
make
the
writers
of
to-day
green
with
envy,
and,
as
for
the
beggars,
if
it
is
not
generally
known
that
it
is
I
and
not
they
who
are
responsible
for
the
work,
the
beggars
will
shortly
find
themselves
in
demand
as
writers
of
fiction
for
the
magazines."
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