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The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft
·
George Gissing
55
To
be
sure,
nearly
all
my
schoolfellows
either
enjoyed
the
thing,
or
at
all
events
went
through
it
with
indifference;
they
made
friends
with
the
sergeant,
and
some
were
proud
of
walking
with
him
"out
of
bounds."
Left,
right!
Left,
right!
For
my
own
part,
I
think
I
have
never
hated
man
as
I
hated
that
broad-shouldered,
hard-visaged,
brassy-
voiced
fellow.
Every
word
he
spoke
to
me,
I
felt
as
an
insult.
Seeing
him
in
the
distance,
I
have
turned
and
fled,
to
escape
the
necessity
of
saluting,
and,
still
more,
a
quiver
of
the
nerves
which
affected
me
so
painfully.
If
ever
a
man
did
me
harm,
it
was
he;
harm
physical
and
moral.
In
all
seriousness
I
believe
that
something
of
the
nervous
instability
from
which
I
have
suffered
since
boyhood
is
traceable
to
those
accursed
hours
of
drill,
and
I
am
very
sure
that
I
can
date
from
the
same
wretched
moments
a
fierceness
of
personal
pride
which
has
been
one
of
my
most
troublesome
characteristics.
The
disposition,
of
course,
was
there;
it
should
have
been
modified,
not
exacerbated.
In
younger
manhood
it
would
have
flattered
me
to
think
that
I
alone
on
the
school
drill-ground
had
sensibility
enough
to
suffer
acutely.
Now
I
had
much
rather
feel
assured
that
many
of
my
schoolfellows
were
in
the
same
mind
of
subdued
revolt.
Even
of
those
who,
boylike,
enjoyed
their
drill,
scarce
one
or
two,
I
trust,
would
have
welcomed
in
their
prime
of
life
the
imposition
of
military
servitude
upon
them
and
their
countrymen.
From
a
certain
point
of
view,
it
would
be
better
far
that
England
should
bleed
under
conquest
than
that
she
should
be
saved
by
eager,
or
careless,
acceptance
of
Conscription.
That
view
will
not
be
held
by
the
English
people;
but
it
would
be
a
sorry
thing
for
England
if
the
day
came
when
no
one
of
those
who
love
her
harboured
such
a
thought.
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