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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
57
"I
have
been
known
to
speak--that
is
true,"
said
the
Idiot.
"That
I
am
not
feeling
very
well
this
morning
is
also
true.
I
have
a
headache."
"A
what
ache?"
asked
the
Doctor,
scornfully.
"A
very
bad
headache,"
returned
the
Idiot,
looking
about
him
for
a
third
waffle.
"How
singular!"
said
the
Bibliomaniac.
"Reminds
me
of
a
story
I
heard
of
a
man
who
had
lost
his
foot.
He'd
had
his
foot
shot
off
at
Gettysburg,
and
yet
for
years
after
he
could
feel
the
pangs
of
rheumatism
in
that
foot
from
which
he
had
previously
suffered."
"Pardon
me
for
repeating,"
observed
the
Idiot.
"But,
as
I
have
already
said,
and
as
I
expect
often
to
have
to
say
again,
Tutt!
I
can't
blame
you
for
thinking
that
I
have
no
head,
however.
I
find
so
little
use
for
one
here
that
in
most
instances
I
do
not
obtrude
it
upon
you."
"I
haven't
noticed
any
lack
of
head
in
the
Idiot,"
put
in
the
School-master.
"As
a
rule,
I
can
agree
to
almost
anything
my
friend
the
Bibliomaniac
says,
but
in
this
case
I
cannot
accept
his
views.
You
have
a
head.
I
have
always
said
you
had
a
head--in
fact,
that
is
what
I
complain
about
chiefly,
it
is
such
a
big
head."
"Thank
you,"
said
the
Idiot,
ignoring
the
shaft.
"I
shall
never
forget
your
kindness
in
coming
to
my
aid,
though
I
can't
say
that
I
think
I
needed
it.
Even
with
a
racking
headache
sustained
by
these
delicious
waffles,
I
believe
I
can
handle
the
Doctor
and
my
bookish
friend
without
assistance.
I
am
what
the
mathematicians
would
call
an
arithmetical
absurdity--I
am
the
one
that
is
equal
to
the
two
they
represent.
At
present,
however,
I
prefer
to
let
them
talk
on.
I
am
too
much
absorbed
in
thought
and
waffles
to
bandy
words."
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