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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
58
Should
the
player
who
controls
the
crank
perceive
a
player
upon
the
street
desirous
of
joining
in
the
game
by
entering
the
car,
his
object
should
be:
primo,
to
run
over
him
and
kill
him;
secundo,
to
kill
him
by
any
other
means
in
his
power;
tertio,
to
let
him
into
the
car,
but
to
exact
the
usual
philopena.
Should
a
player,
in
thus
attempting
to
get
on
the
car
from
without,
become
entangled
in
the
machinery,
the
player
controlling
the
crank
shouts
"huff!"
and
the
car
is
supposed
to
pass
over
him.
All
within
the
car
score
one.
A
fine
spice
of
the
ludicrous
may
be
added
to
the
game
by
each
player
pretending
that
he
has
a
destination
or
stopping-place,
where
he
would
wish
to
alight.
It
now
becomes
the
aim
of
the
two
players
who
are
"it"
to
carry
him
past
his
point.
A
player
who
is
thus
carried
beyond
his
imaginary
stopping-place
must
feign
a
violent
passion,
and
imitate
angry
gesticulations.
He
may,
in
addition,
feign
a
great
age
or
a
painful
infirmity,
which
will
be
found
to
occasion
the
most
convulsive
fun
for
the
other
players
in
the
game.
These
are
the
main
outlines
of
this
most
amusing
pastime.
Many
other
agreeable
features
may,
of
course,
be
readily
introduced
by
persons
of
humour
and
imagination.
Number
Fifty-Six
What
I
narrate
was
told
me
one
winter's
evening
by
my
friend
Ah-Yen
in
the
little
room
behind
his
laundry.
Ah-Yen
is
a
quiet
little
celestial
with
a
grave
and
thoughtful
face,
and
that
melancholy
contemplative
disposition
so
often
noticed
in
his
countrymen.
Between
myself
and
Ah-Yen
there
exists
a
friendship
of
some
years'
standing,
and
we
spend
many
a
long
evening
in
the
dimly
lighted
room
behind
his
shop,
smoking
a
dreamy
pipe
together
and
plunged
in
silent
meditation.
I
am
chiefly
attracted
to
my
friend
by
the
highly
imaginative
cast
of
his
mind,
which
is,
I
believe,
a
trait
of
the
Eastern
character
and
which
enables
him
to
forget
to
a
great
extent
the
sordid
cares
of
his
calling
in
an
inner
life
of
his
own
creation.
Of
the
keen,
analytical
side
of
his
mind,
I
was
in
entire
ignorance
until
the
evening
of
which
I
write.
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