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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
59
"Fifty-two
waffles,"
said
Mr.
Whitechoker,
"would
be
too
many."
"Fifty-three,
including
the
joker,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog.
"What
do
you
know
about
cards,
John?"
asked
Mrs.
Pedagog,
severely.
The
Idiot
laughed.
"Did
you
ever
hear
that
pretty
little
song
of
Gilbert
and
Sullivan's,
Mr.
Poet,
'Things
are
seldom
what
they
seem'?"
he
asked.
"Why
shouldn't
I
know
about
playing-cards?"
said
Mr.
Pedagog,
acridly.
"Mr.
Whitechoker
seems
to
be
aware
that
a
pack
holds
fifty-two
cards--if
he,
why
not
I?"
"I--ah--I
of
course
have
to
acquaint
myself
with
many
vicious
things
with
which
I
have
very
little
sympathy,"
observed
Mr.
Whitechoker,
blandly.
"I
regard
cards
as
an
abomination."
"So
do
I,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog--"so
do
I.
But
even
then
I
know
a
full
house--I
should
say
a
full
pack
from
a--er--a--er--"
"Bob-tail
flush,"
suggested
the
Idiot.
"Sir,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog,
"I
am
not
well
up
in
poker
terms."
"Then
you
ought
to
play,"
said
the
Idiot.
"The
man
who
doesn't
know
the
game
has
usually
great
luck.
But
I
am
sorry,
Mrs.
Pedagog,
that
you
are
so
strongly
opposed
to
cards,
for
I
was
going
to
make
a
suggestion
which
I
think
would
promote
harmony
in
our
little
circle
on
waffle
days.
If
you
regard
cards
as
wholly
immoral,
of
course
the
suggestion
is
without
value,
since
it
involves
two
complete
packs
of
cards--one
cardboard
pack
and
one
waffle
pack."
"I
don't
object
to
cards
as
cards,
Mr.
Idiot,"
said
the
landlady.
"It
is
the
games
people
play
with
cards
that
I
object
to.
They
bring
a
great
deal
of
unnecessary
misery
into
the
world,
and
for
that
reason
I
think
it
is
better
to
avoid
them
altogether."
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