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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
60
"That
is
quite
true,"
said
the
Idiot.
"They
do
bring
about
much
unhappiness.
I
know
a
young
woman
who
became
a
victim
of
insomnia
once
because
in
a
series
of
ten
games
of
old
maid
she
got
the
odd
card
seven
times.
Of
course
it
wasn't
entirely
the
cards'
fault.
Superstition
had
something
to
do
with
it.
In
fact,
I
sometimes
think
the
fault
lies
with
the
people
who
play,
and
not
with
the
cards.
I
owe
much
to
the
game
of
whist.
It
taught
me
to
control
my
tongue.
I
should
have
been
a
regular
talk-fiend
if
it
hadn't
been
for
whist."
Mr.
Pedagog
looked
unutterable
things
at
the
Idiot.
"Are
you
laboring
under
the
delusion
that
you
have
any
control
over
your
tongue?"
he
asked,
savagely.
"Most
certainly,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Well,
I'll
have
to
make
a
note
of
that,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog.
"I
have
a
friend
who
is
making
a
collection
of
hallucinations."
"If
you'll
give
me
his
address,"
said
the
Idiot,
"I'll
send
him
thousands.
For
five
dollars
a
dozen
I'll
invent
hallucinations
for
him
that
people
ought
to
have
but
haven't."
"No,"
returned
the
School-master.
"In
his
behalf,
however,
I
thank
you.
He
collects
only
real
hallucinations,
and
he
finds
there
are
plenty
of
them
without
retaining
a
professional
lunatic
to
supply
him."
"Very
well,"
said
the
Idiot,
returning
to
his
waffles.
"If
at
any
time
he
finds
the
supply
running
short,
I
shall
be
glad
to
renew
my
offer."
"You
haven't
unfolded
your
Harmony
Promoting
Scheme
for
Waffle
Days,"
suggested
the
Poet.
"It
has
aroused
my
interest."
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