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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
66
PART
II--IN
LONDON
1912
January
21.
Am
at
last
beginning
to
get
more
content
with
the
work
at
the
Museum,
so
that
I
muse
on
Bernard
Shaw's
saying,
"Get
what
you
like
or
you'll
grow
to
like
what
you
get."
I
have
a
terrible
suspicion
that
the
security
of
tenure
here
is
like
the
lion's
den
in
the
fable--Nulla
vestiga
retrorsum.
Of
course
I
am
wonderfully
proud
of
being
at
the
Museum,
although
I
am
disappointed
and
write
as
if
I
were
quite
blasé.
January
25.
I
should
be
disappointed
if
at
the
end
of
my
career
(if
I
live
to
see
it
through)
I
do
not
win
the
F.R.S.
I
should
very
much
like
it....
My
nature
is
very
mixed--ambitious
above
all
things
and
yet
soon
giddy
with
the
audacity
of
my
aspirations.
The
B.M.
and
my
colleagues
make
me
feel
most
inferior
in
fact,
but
in
theory--in
the
secrecy
of
my
own
bedchamber--I
feel
that
there
are
few
men
there
my
equal.
April
26.
Down
with
influenza.
A
boarding-house
with
the
'flue!
May
8.
Went
home
to
recuperate,
a
beef
jelly
in
one
pocket
and
sal
volatile
in
the
other.
On
arrival,
my
blanched
appearance
frightened
Mother
and
the
others,
so
went
to
bed
at
once.
"Fate's
a
fiddler,
life's
a
dance."
May
12.
Weak
enough
to
sit
down
before
dressing-table
while
I
shave
and
brush
my
hair.
Dyspepsia
appalling.
The
Doctor
in
Kensington
seemed
to
think
me
an
awful
wreck
and
asked
if
I
were
concealing----
Reading
Baudelaire
and
Verlaine.
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
