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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
68
"And
would
you
pay
the
author
the
twenty-five
dollars?"
asked
Mr.
Whitechoker.
"Not
if
we
were
sane,"
replied
the
Idiot.
"We'd
pay
the
author
two
dollars
and
fifty
cents,
which
is
one
dollar
and
seventy-five
cents
more
than
he
gets
now.
He
couldn't
complain."
"And
those
that
you
couldn't
sell?"
asked
the
Bibliomaniac.
"We'd
simply
mark
'Not
Good'
and
return
to
the
author.
That's
what
happens
to
him
now,
so
no
objection
could
be
raised
to
that.
But
there's
still
another
side
to
this
matter,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Publishers
would
be
quite
as
anxious
to
help
it
along
as
the
poets.
Dealing
through
us,
they
would
be
spared
the
necessity
of
interviewing
poets,
which
I
am
informed
is
always
painful
because
of
the
necessity
which
publishers
labor
under
to
give
the
poet
to
understand
that
they
are
in
the
business
for
profit,
not
for
pleasure
or
mere
love
of
sinking
money
in
a
magazine.
So
the
publishers
would
keep
a
standing
account
of
hard
cash
in
our
bank.
Say
a
magazine
used
one
hundred
dollars'
worth
of
verse
in
a
month.
The
publisher
at
the
beginning
of
the
year
would
deposit
twelve
hundred
dollars
with
us,
and
throughout
the
year
would
draw
out
sonnets,
ballads,
or
pastels-in-metre
just
as
he
needed
them.
The
checks
would
read
something
like
this:
'The
Poets'
Clearing-house
Association
of
the
City
of
New
York
will
pay
to
John
Bluepencil,
Editor,
or
Order,
Ten
Sonnets.
(Signed)
Blank
Brothers
&
Co.'
Or
perhaps
we'd
receive
a
notice
from
a
Southern
publisher
to
this
effect:
'Have
drawn
on
you
at
sight
for
eight
quatrains
and
a
triolet.'
Now,
when
you
consider
how
many
publishers
there
are
who
would
always
keep
a
cash
balance
in
the
treasury,
you
begin
to
get
some
notion
as
to
how
we
could
meet
our
running
expenses
and
pay
our
quarterly
dividends
to
our
stockholders
anyhow;
and
as
for
future
dividends,
I
believe
our
loan
department
would
net
us
a
sufficient
amount
to
make
the
stock
gilt-edged."
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