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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
70
"You'd
have
trouble
finding
a
rhyme
to
borealis,"
said
the
Poet.
"Tutt!"
said
the
Idiot.
"What's
the
matter
with
'Glory,
Alice,'
'Listen
to
my
story,
Alice,'
'I'm
going
to
war
so
gory,
Alice,'
'I
fear
you
are
a
Tory,
Alice'
(this
for
a
Revolutionary
poem),
or
'Come
rowing
in
my
dory,
Alice'?
There's
no
end
to
'em."
"If
you'll
write
a
rhyming
dictionary
I'll
buy
a
copy,"
was
the
Poet's
sole
comment.
"That
will
come
later,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Once
get
our
clearing-house
established,
we
can
branch
out
into
a
general
Poetry
Trust
and
Supply
Company
that
will
make
millions.
We'll
make
so
much
money,
by
Jove!"
he
added,
slapping
the
table
enthusiastically,
"that
we
can
afford
to
go
into
the
publishing
business
ourselves
and
bring
out
volumes
of
verse
for
anybody
and
everybody.
We
can
deal
in
Fame!
A
man
that
couldn't
write
his
own
name
so
that
anybody
could
read
it
could
come
to
us
and
say:
'Gentlemen,
I've
got
everything
but
brains.
I
want
to
be
an
author
and
'mongst
the
authors
stand.
I
am
told
it
is
delightful
to
see
one's
book
in
print.
I
haven't
a
book,
but
I've
got
a
dollar
or
two,
and
if
you'll
put
out
a
first-class
book
of
poems
under
my
name
I'll
pay
all
expenses
and
give
you
a
royalty
of
twenty
per
cent.
on
every
copy
I
give
away!'
No
money
in
it?
Bah!
You
gentlemen
don't
know.
If
you
say
fortune
would
not
wait
upon
this
venture
I
say
you
are
the
kind
of
men
who
would
sell
government
bonds
for
their
value
as
mere
engravings
if
you
had
the
chance."
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