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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
71
And
amid
a
glorious
burst
of
music
from
the
orchestra
the
curtain
fell,
and
the
audience
dispersed,
convinced
that
there
are
some
tricks,
at
any
rate,
that
are
not
done
up
the
conjurer's
sleeve.
Hints
to
Travellers
The
following
hints
and
observations
have
occurred
to
me
during
a
recent
trip
across
the
continent:
they
are
written
in
no
spirit
of
complaint
against
existing
railroad
methods,
but
merely
in
the
hope
that
they
may
prove
useful
to
those
who
travel,
like
myself,
in
a
spirit
of
meek,
observant
ignorance.
1.
Sleeping
in
a
Pullman
car
presents
some
difficulties
to
the
novice.
Care
should
be
taken
to
allay
all
sense
of
danger.
The
frequent
whistling
of
the
engine
during
the
night
is
apt
to
be
a
source
of
alarm.
Find
out,
therefore,
before
travelling,
the
meaning
of
the
various
whistles.
One
means
"station,"
two,
"railroad
crossing,"
and
so
on.
Five
whistles,
short
and
rapid,
mean
sudden
danger.
When
you
hear
whistles
in
the
night,
sit
up
smartly
in
your
bunk
and
count
them.
Should
they
reach
five,
draw
on
your
trousers
over
your
pyjamas
and
leave
the
train
instantly.
As
a
further
precaution
against
accident,
sleep
with
the
feet
towards
the
engine
if
you
prefer
to
have
the
feet
crushed,
or
with
the
head
towards
the
engine,
if
you
think
it
best
to
have
the
head
crushed.
In
making
this
decision
try
to
be
as
unselfish
as
possible.
If
indifferent,
sleep
crosswise
with
the
head
hanging
over
into
the
aisle.
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