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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
71
"You
certainly
do
draw
a
roseate
picture,"
said
Mr.
Whitechoker.
"I
do
indeed,"
said
the
Idiot,
"and
the
paint
is
laid
on
thick."
"Well,
I
hope
it
goes,"
said
the
Poet.
"I'll
make
a
deposit
the
first
day
of
three
hundred
and
sixty-seven
ballads,
four
hundred
and
twenty-three
couplets,
eighty-nine
rondeaus,
and
one
epic
about
ten
yards
in
length,
all
of
which
I
have
in
my
desk
at
this
moment."
"Very
well,"
said
the
Idiot,
rising,
"With
that
encouragement
from
you
I
feel
warranted
in
ordering
the
'Not
Good'
stamp
at
least."
X
Some
Electrical
Suggestions
"If
I
were
beginning
life
all
over
again,"
said
the
Idiot,
"I'd
be
an
electrician.
It
seems
to
me
that
of
all
modern
pursuits,
barring
architecture
perhaps,
electricity
is
the
most
fascinating."
"There's
probably
more
money
in
it
than
there
is
in
Idiocy,
too,
I
fancy,"
said
the
Bibliomaniac,
dryly.
"Well,
I
should
think
so,"
assented
the
Idiot.
"Idiocy
is
merely
an
intellectual
diversion.
Electricity
is
a
practical
science.
Idiocy
cannot
be
said
to
be
anything
more
than
a
luxury,
while
electricity
has
become
a
necessity.
I
do
not
even
claim
that
any
real
lasting
benefit
can
come
to
the
world
through
Idiocy,
but
in
electricity
are
possibilities,
not
yet
realized,
for
which
the
world
will
be
distinctly
better
and
happier."
"It
is
kind
of
you
to
speak
so
highly
of
electricity,"
said
the
Doctor.
"The
science
may
now
advance,
knowing
that
you
approve."
"Approve?"
cried
the
Idiot.
"Approve
is
not
the
word,
sir.
I
enthuse--and
why
should
I
not,
feeling,
as
I
do,
that
in
the
electrical
current
lies
the
germ
of
the
Elixir
of
Life!
I
thoroughly
believe
that
a
bottle
of
liquefied
electricity
would
make
us
all
young."
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