Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
Share image
1
96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
74
"Why
have
wet
feet
at
all
if
electricity
is
to
be
so
all-powerful?"
suggested
Mr.
Whitechoker.
"Why
not
devise
an
electrical
foot-protector
and
ward
off
all
possibility
of
damp,
cold
feet?"
"You
couldn't
do
that
with
men
and
women
constituted
as
they
are,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Your
foot-protector
would
no
doubt
be
a
good
thing,
but
so
are
rubber
overshoes.
Nothing
will
ever
be
patented
to
compel
a
man
to
keep
his
feet
dry,
and
he
won't
do
it
except
under
compulsion,
but
once
having
his
feet
wet
he
will
seek
the
remedy.
It's
the
Elixir
of
Life
that
I
bank
on
most,
however.
I
don't
believe
there
is
one
among
us,
excepting
Mrs.
Pedagog,
to
whom
twenty-five
was
not
the
most
delightful
period
of
existence.
To
Mrs.
Pedagog,
as
to
all
women,
eighteen
is
the
limit.
But
men
at
twenty-five
and
women
at
eighteen
know
so
much,
enjoy
so
much,
regard
themselves
so
highly!
There
is
nothing
blase
about
them
then.
Disillusion--which
I
think
ought
to
be
called
dissolution--comes
later.
At
thirty
a
man
discovers
that
the
things
he
knew
at
twenty-five
aren't
so;
and
as
for
a
woman
at
twenty-five,
if
so
be
she
is
unmarried,
her
life
is
empty,
and
if
so
be
she
is
married,
she
has
cares
in
the
shape
of
children
and
a
husband,
who
as
a
theory
was
a
poet,
but
who
as
a
reality
is
a
mere
business
machine
who
is
oftentimes
no
fonder
of
staying
at
home
than
he
was
before
he
was
married
and
went
out
to
see
her
every
night."
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
