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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
75
"What
a
wise
little
pessimist
he
is!"
said
Mr.
Pedagog
to
the
Doctor.
"Very.
But
I
fail
to
comprehend
why
he
branches
off
into
Pessimism
when
Electricity
was
his
text,"
said
the
Doctor.
"Because
he's
the
Id--"
began
the
Bibliomaniac,
but
the
Idiot
interrupted
him.
"Don't
jump
fences,
gentlemen,
before
you
know
whether
they
are
made
of
barbed
wire
or
not.
I'm
coming
to
the
points
you
are
bringing
up,
and
if
you
are
not
careful
they
may
puncture
you,"
he
said.
"I
am
not
in
any
sense
a
pessimist.
Quite
the
contrary.
I
am
an
optimist.
I'm
not
old
enough
or
cross-grained
enough
as
yet
to
be
a
pessimist,
and
it's
because
I
don't
want
to
be
a
pessimist
that
I
want
this
Elixir
of
Electricity
to
hurry
up
and
have
itself
patented.
If
men
when
they
reached
the
age
of
twenty-five,
and
women
at
eighteen,
would
begin
to
take
this
they
might
live
to
be
a
thousand
and
yet
retain
all
the
spirit
and
feelings
of
twenty-five
and
eighteen.
That's
the
connection,
Dr.
Capsule.
If
I
could
be
twenty-five
all
my
life
I'd
be
as
happy
as
a
bird--and
if
I
were
the
Poet
here
I'd
immortalize
that
idea
in
verse--
"A
man's
the
biggest
thing
alive
When
he
has
got
to
twenty-five;
And
as
for
woman,
she's
a
queen
Whose
summers
number
just
eighteen."
"That's
a
good
idea,"
returned
the
Poet.
"I'll
make
a
note
of
that,
and
if
I
sell
it
I'll
give
you
a
commission."
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