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150
Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
76
II.--REMAINS
OF
HISTORY
Aztecs:
A
fabulous
race,
half
man,
half
horse,
half
mound-builder.
They
flourished
at
about
the
same
time
as
the
early
Calithumpians.
They
have
left
some
awfully
stupendous
monuments
of
themselves
somewhere.
Life
of
Caesar:
A
famous
Roman
general,
the
last
who
ever
landed
in
Britain
without
being
stopped
at
the
custom
house.
On
returning
to
his
Sabine
farm
(to
fetch
something),
he
was
stabbed
by
Brutus,
and
died
with
the
words
"Veni,
vidi,
tekel,
upharsim"
in
his
throat.
The
jury
returned
a
verdict
of
strangulation.
Life
of
Voltaire:
A
Frenchman;
very
bitter.
Life
of
Schopenhauer:
A
German;
very
deep;
but
it
was
not
really
noticeable
when
he
sat
down.
Life
of
Dante:
An
Italian;
the
first
to
introduce
the
banana
and
the
class
of
street
organ
known
as
"Dante's
Inferno."
Peter
the
Great,
Alfred
the
Great,
Frederick
the
Great,
John
the
Great,
Tom
the
Great,
Jim
the
Great,
Jo
the
Great,
etc.,
etc.
It
is
impossible
for
a
busy
man
to
keep
these
apart.
They
sought
a
living
as
kings
and
apostles
and
pugilists
and
so
on.
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