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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
77
"That's
all
nonsense,"
said
the
Idiot.
"My
Elixir
wouldn't
make
death
an
impossibility.
Any
man
who
thought
he'd
had
enough
at
the
end
of
a
thousand
years
could
stop
taking
the
Elixir
and
shuffle
off
the
mortal
coil.
As
a
matter
of
fact,
not
more
than
ten
per
cent.
of
the
people
in
the
world
would
have
any
faith
in
the
Elixir
at
all.
I
know
people
to-day
who
do
not
take
advantage
of
the
many
patent
remedies
that
are
within
their
reach,
preferring
the
mustard-plaster
and
catnip-tea
of
their
forefathers.
There's
where
human
nature
works
again.
I
believe
that
if
I
were
myself
the
discoverer
of
the
formula
for
my
mixture,
and
for
an
advertisement
secured
a
letter
from
a
man
saying,
'I
was
dying
of
old
age,
having
reached
the
advanced
period
of
ninety-seven;
I
took
two
bottles
of
your
Electrical
Elixir
and
am
now
celebrating
my
twenty-fifth
birthday
again,'
ninety-nine
per
cent.
of
the
people
who
read
it
would
laugh
and
think
it
had
strayed
out
of
the
funny
column.
People
lack
confidence
in
their
fellow-men--that's
all;
but
if
they
were
twenty-five
and
eighteen
that
would
all
be
changed.
We
are
very
trustful
at
twenty-five
and
eighteen,
which
is
one
of
the
things
I
like
about
those
respective
ages.
When
I
was
twenty-five
I
believed
in
everybody,
including
myself.
Now--well,
I'm
older.
But
enough
of
schemes,
which
I
must
admit
are
somewhat
visionary--as
the
telephone
would
have
seemed
one
hundred
years
ago.
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