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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
78
Let
us
come
down
to
realities
in
electricity.
I
can't
see
why
more
is
not
made
of
the
phonograph
for
the
benefit
of
the
public.
Take
a
man
like
Chauncey
M.
De
Choate.
He
goes
here
and
he
goes
there
to
make
speeches,
when
I've
no
doubt
he'd
much
prefer
to
stay
at
home
cutting
coupons
off
his
bonds.
Why
can't
the
phonograph
voice
do
his
duty?
Instead
of
making
the
same
speech
over
and
over
again,
why
can't
some
electrician
so
improve
the
phonograph
that
De
Choate
can
say
what
he
has
to
say
through
a
funnel,
have
it
impressed
on
a
cylinder,
duplicated
and
reduplicated
and
scattered
broadcast
over
the
world?
If
Mr.
Edison
could
impart
what
poets
call
stentorian
tones
to
the
phonograph,
he'd
be
doing
a
great
and
noble
work.
Again,
for
smaller
things,
like
a
dance,
Why
can't
the
phonograph
be
made
useful
at
a
ball?
I
attended
one
the
other
night,
and
when
I
wanted
to
dance
the
two-step
the
band
played
the
polka;
if
I
wished
the
polka
it
played
a
waltz.
Some
men
can
only
dance
the
two-step--they
don't
know
the
waltz,
the
polka,
or
the
schottische.
Now
why
can't
the
phonograph
come
to
the
rescue?
In
almost
any
hotel
in
New
York
you
can
drop
a
nickel
in
a
slot
and
hear
Sousa's
band
on
the
phonograph.
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