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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
78
November
16.
Arthur
came
down
for
the
week
end.
He
likes
the
Lady
of
Shalott.
She
is
"not
handsome,
but
arresting,
striking"
and
"capable
of
tragedy."
That
I
believe
she
has
achieved
already....
If
she
were
a
bit
more
gloomy
and
a
bit
more
beautiful,
she'd
be
irresistible.
November
22.
He:
"Have
a
cigarette?
I
enjoy
lighting
your
cigarettes."
She:
"I
don't
know
how
to
smoke
properly."
He:
"You
smoke
only
as
you
could."
She:
"How's
that?"
H.:
"Gracefully,
of
course."
S.:
"Do
you
think
I
like
pretty
things
being
said
to
me?"
H.:
"Why
not,
if
they
are
true.
Flattery
is
when
you
tell
an
ugly
woman
she
is
beautiful.
Have
you
so
poor
an
opinion
of
yourself
to
think
all
I
say
of
you
is
flattery?"
S.:
"Yes.
I
am
only
four
bare
walls,--with
nothing
inside."
H.:
"What
a
deliciously
empty
feeling
that
must
be.
...
But
I
don't
think
you're
so
simple
as
all
that.
You
bewilder
me
sometimes."
S.:
"Why?"
H.:
"I
feel
like
Sindbad
the
Sailor."
S.:
"Why?"
H.:
"Because
I'm
not
George
Meredith."
The
title
of
"husband"
frightens
me.
December
9.
It's
a
fearful
strain
to
go
on
endeavouring
to
live
up
to
time
with
a
carefully
laid-out
time-table
of
future
achievements.
I
am
hurrying
on
with
my
study
of
Italian
in
order
to
read
the
Life
of
Spallanzani
in
order
to
include
him
in
my
book--to
be
finished
by
the
end
of
next
year;
I
am
also
subsidising
Jenkinson's
embryological
lectures
at
University
College
with
the
more
detailed
account
of
practical
and
experimental
work
in
his
text-book;
I
have
also
started
a
lengthy
research
upon
the
Trichoptera--all
with
a
horrible
sense
of
time
fleeing
swiftly
and
opportunities
for
work
too
few
ever
to
be
squandered,
and,
in
the
background,
behind
all
this
feverish
activity,
the
black
shadow
that
I
might
die
suddenly
with
nothing
done--next
year,
next
month,
next
week,
to-morrow,
now!
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