Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
Share image
1
96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
79
Why
not
extend
the
principle
and
have
a
phonograph
for
men
who
can
dance
nothing
but
the
two-step,
charged
with
'The
Washington
Post
March,'
and
supplied
with
four
tubes
with
receivers
to
put
in
the
ears
of
the
listeners?
Make
it
small
enough
for
a
man
to
carry
in
his
pocket;
then
at
a
ball
he
could
go
up
to
a
young
lady,
ask
her
to
dance,
put
two
of
the
receivers
in
her
ears,
two
in
his,
and
trip
the
light
fantastic
toe
utterly
independently
of
what
other
people
were
dancing.
It's
possible.
Mr.
Edison
could
do
it
in
five
minutes,
and
every
one
would
be
satisfied.
It
might
be
rather
droll
to
see
two
people
dancing
the
two-step
while
eight
others
were
fastened
on
to
a
lanciers
phonograph,
and
a
dozen
or
more
other
couples
were
dancing
respectively
the
waltz,
schottische,
and
Virginia
reel,
but
we'd
soon
get
used
to
that,
and
no
man
need
become
a
wall-flower
because
he
couldn't
dance
the
dance
that
happened
to
be
on.
Furthermore,
you'd
be
able
to
do
away
with
the
musicians,
who
always
cast
a
pall
over
dances
because
of
their
superiority
to
the
rest
of
the
world
in
general
and
the
dancers
in
particular."
"How
about
your
couple
that
prefer
to
sit
out
the
dance
on
the
stairs?"
said
the
Poet,
who,
in
common
with
the
Idiot,
knew
several
things
about
dances
that
Messrs.
Pedagog
and
Whitechoker
did
not.
"It
would
be
particularly
attractive
to
them,"
said
the
Idiot.
"They
could
sit
on
the
stairs
and
wax
sentimental
over
any
dreamy
air
the
man
happened
to
have
in
his
vest-pocket.
He
could
arrange
all
that
beforehand--find
out
what
song
she
thought
divinest,
and
go
loaded
accordingly.
And
as
for
the
things
that
usually
happen
on
stairs
at
dances,
as
well
as
in
conservatories
at
balls,
with
the
aid
of
a
phonograph
a
man
could
propose
to
a
girl
in
the
presence
of
a
thousand
people,
and
nobody
but
the
maiden
herself
would
be
the
wiser.
I
tell
you,
gentlemen,"
the
Idiot
added,
enthusiastically,
as
he
rose
to
depart,
"if
the
phonograph
people
only
knew
their
power
they'd
do
great
things.
The
patent
vest-pocket
phonograph
for
music
at
balls
and
proposals
for
bashful
men
alone
would
make
their
fortunes
if
they
only
could
see
it.
I
almost
wish
I
were
an
electrician
and
not
an
Idiot."
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
