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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
80
December
22.
Sollas's
"Ancient
Hunters"
Read
Sollas's
book
Ancient
Hunters--very
thrilling--mind
full
of
the
Aurignacians,
Mousterians,
Magdalenians!
I
have
been
peering
down
such
tremendous
vistas
of
time
and
change
that
my
own
troubles
have
been
eclipsed
into
ridiculous
insignificance.
It
has
been
really
a
Pillar
of
Strength
to
me--a
splendid
tonic.
Palæontology
has
its
comfortable
words
too.
I
have
revelled
in
my
littleness
and
irresponsibility.
It
has
relieved
me
of
the
harassing
desire
to
live,
I
feel
content
to
live
dangerously,
indifferent
to
my
fate;
I
have
discovered
I
am
a
fly,
that
we
are
all
flies,
that
nothing
matters.
It's
a
great
load
off
my
life,
for
I
don't
mind
being
such
a
micro-organism--to
me
the
honour
is
sufficient
of
belonging
to
the
universe--such
a
great
universe,
so
grand
a
scheme
of
things.
Not
even
Death
can
rob
me
of
that
honour.
For
nothing
can
alter
the
fact
that
I
have
lived;
I
have
been
I,
if
for
ever
so
short
a
time.
And
when
I
am
dead,
the
matter
which
composes
my
body
is
indestructible--and
eternal,
so
that
come
what
may
to
my
"Soul,"
my
dust
will
always
be
going
on,
each
separate
atom
of
me
playing
its
separate
part--I
shall
still
have
some
sort
of
a
finger
in
the
Pie.
When
I
am
dead,
you
can
boil
me,
burn
me,
drown
me,
scatter
me--but
you
cannot
destroy
me:
my
little
atoms
would
merely
deride
such
heavy
vengeance.
Death
can
do
no
more
than
kill
you.
December
27.
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