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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
85
"There
couldn't
be
seven
Sammies,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Sammie
is
unique--to
me.
But
I
am
not
at
all
narrow
in
this
matter.
I
can
very
well
imagine
how
Sammie
could
be
very
disagreeable
to
some
people.
I
shouldn't
care
much
for
Alp,
I
suppose,
if
when
night
came
on
Sammie
didn't
climb
up
on
my
lap
and
tell
me
he
thought
I
was
the
greatest
man
that
ever
lived
next
to
his
mother
and
father.
That's
the
thing,
Mr.
Pedagog,
that
makes
Alp
tolerable--it's
the
sugar
sauce
to
the
batter
pudding.
There's
a
good
deal
of
plain
batter
in
the
pudding,
but
with
the
sauce
generously
mixed
in
you
don't
mind
it
so
much.
That
boy
would
be
willing
to
go
to
sleep
on
a
railway
track
if
I
told
him
I'd
stand
between
him
and
the
express
train.
If
I
told
him
I
could
hammer
down
Gibraltar
with
putty
he'd
believe
it,
and
bring
me
his
putty-blower
to
help
along
in
the
great
work.
That's
why
I
think
a
man's
so
much
better
off
if
he
is
a
father.
Somebody
has
fixed
a
standard
for
him
which,
while
he
may
know
he
can't
live
up
to
it,
he'll
try
to
live
up
to,
and
by
aiming
high
he
won't
be
so
apt
to
hit
low
as
he
otherwise
might.
As
Sammie's
father
once
said
to
me:
'By
Jove,
Idiot,'
he
said,
'if
men
could
only
be
what
their
children
think
them!'"
"Nevertheless
they
should
be
governed,
curbed,
brought
up!"
said
the
Bibliomaniac.
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