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235
The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft
·
George Gissing
87
X.
I
sometimes
think
I
will
go
and
spend
the
sunny
half
of
a
twelvemonth
in
wandering
about
the
British
Isles.
There
is
so
much
of
beauty
and
interest
that
I
have
not
seen,
and
I
grudge
to
close
my
eyes
on
this
beloved
home
of
ours,
leaving
any
corner
of
it
unvisited.
Often
I
wander
in
fancy
over
all
the
parts
I
know,
and
grow
restless
with
desire
at
familiar
names
which
bring
no
picture
to
memory.
My
array
of
county
guide-books
(they
have
always
been
irresistible
to
me
on
the
stalls)
sets
me
roaming;
the
only
dull
pages
in
them
are
those
that
treat
of
manufacturing
towns.
Yet
I
shall
never
start
on
that
pilgrimage.
I
am
too
old,
too
fixed
in
habits.
I
dislike
the
railway;
I
dislike
hotels.
I
should
grow
homesick
for
my
library,
my
garden,
the
view
from
my
windows.
And
then--I
have
such
a
fear
of
dying
anywhere
but
under
my
own
roof.
As
a
rule,
it
is
better
to
revisit
only
in
imagination
the
places
which
have
greatly
charmed
us,
or
which,
in
the
retrospect,
seem
to
have
done
so.
Seem
to
have
charmed
us,
I
say;
for
the
memory
we
form,
after
a
certain
lapse
of
time,
of
places
where
we
lingered,
often
bears
but
a
faint
resemblance
to
the
impression
received
at
the
time;
what
in
truth
may
have
been
very
moderate
enjoyment,
or
enjoyment
greatly
disturbed
by
inner
or
outer
circumstances,
shows
in
the
distance
as
a
keen
delight,
or
as
deep,
still
happiness.
On
the
other
hand,
if
memory
creates
no
illusion,
and
the
name
of
a
certain
place
is
associated
with
one
of
the
golden
moments
of
life,
it
were
rash
to
hope
that
another
visit
would
repeat
the
experience
of
a
bygone
day.
For
it
was
not
merely
the
sights
that
one
beheld
which
were
the
cause
of
joy
and
peace;
however
lovely
the
spot,
however
gracious
the
sky,
these
things
external
would
not
have
availed,
but
for
contributory
movements
of
mind
and
heart
and
blood,
the
essentials
of
the
man
as
then
he
was.
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