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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
88
I
tried
fossils
next.
I
got
two
in
ten
years.
Then
I
quit.
A
friend
of
mine
once
showed
me
a
very
fine
collection
of
ancient
and
curious
weapons,
and
for
a
time
I
was
full
of
that
idea.
I
gathered
several
interesting
specimens,
such
as:
No.
1.
Old
flint-lock
musket,
used
by
my
grandfather.
(He
used
it
on
the
farm
for
years
as
a
crowbar.)
No.
2.
Old
raw-hide
strap,
used
by
my
father.
No.
3.
Ancient
Indian
arrowhead,
found
by
myself
the
very
day
after
I
began
collecting.
It
resembles
a
three-cornered
stone.
No.
4.
Ancient
Indian
bow,
found
by
myself
behind
a
sawmill
on
the
second
day
of
collecting.
It
resembles
a
straight
stick
of
elm
or
oak.
It
is
interesting
to
think
that
this
very
weapon
may
have
figured
in
some
fierce
scene
of
savage
warfare.
No.
5.
Cannibal
poniard
or
straight-handled
dagger
of
the
South
Sea
Islands.
It
will
give
the
reader
almost
a
thrill
of
horror
to
learn
that
this
atrocious
weapon,
which
I
bought
myself
on
the
third
day
of
collecting,
was
actually
exposed
in
a
second-hand
store
as
a
family
carving-knife.
In
gazing
at
it
one
cannot
refrain
from
conjuring
up
the
awful
scenes
it
must
have
witnessed.
I
kept
this
collection
for
quite
a
long
while
until,
in
a
moment
of
infatuation,
I
presented
it
to
a
young
lady
as
a
betrothal
present.
The
gift
proved
too
ostentatious
and
our
relations
subsequently
ceased
to
be
cordial.
On
the
whole
I
am
inclined
to
recommend
the
beginner
to
confine
himself
to
collecting
coins.
At
present
I
am
myself
making
a
collection
of
American
bills
(time
of
Taft
preferred),
a
pursuit
I
find
most
absorbing.
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
