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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
89
Silence.
H.
(returning
to
the
attack),
"I
hope
she
turns
you
down."
"Thank
you,"
I
said.
"As
for
P----,"
he
resumed,
"she's
double-Dutch
to
me."
"Go
to
the
Berlitz
School,"
I
suggested,
"and
learn
the
language."
"You
bally
fool....
All
you
do
is
to
sit
there
and
smile
like
a
sanguinary
cat.
Nothing
I
say
ever
rouses
you.
I
believe
if
I
came
to
you
and
said,
'Here,
Professor,
is
a
Beetle
with
99
legs
that
has
lived
on
granite
in
the
middle
of
the
Sahara
for
40
days
and
40
nights,'
you'd
simply
answer,
'Yes,
and
that
reminds
me
I've
forgotten
to
blow
my
nose.'"
The
two
pyjamaed
figures
shake
with
laughing,
the
light
goes
out
and
the
sanguinary
conversation
continues
on
similar
lines
until
we
fall
asleep.
April
26.
Two
Months'
Sick
Leave
In
a
horrible
panic--the
last
few
days--I
believe
I
am
developing
locomotor
ataxy.
One
leg,
one
arm,
and
my
speech
are
affected,
i.e.
the
right
side
and
my
speech
centre.
M----
is
serious....
I
hope
the
disease,
whatever
it
is,
will
be
sufficiently
lingering
to
enable
me
to
complete
my
book.
R----
is
a
dear
man.
I
shall
not
easily
forget
his
kindness
during
this
terrible
week....
Can
the
Fates
have
the
audacity?...
Who
can
say?
April
27.
I
believe
there
can
be
no
doubt
that
I
have
had
a
slight
partial
paralysis
of
my
right
side
(like
Dad).
I
stutter
a
little
in
my
speech
when
excited,
I
cannot
write
properly
(look
at
this
handwriting),
and
my
right
leg
is
rocky
at
the
knee.
My
head
swims.
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