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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
92
"With
that
encouragement,
then,"
said
the
Idiot,
"I
will
endeavor
to
lay
before
you
my
crowning
invention.
Dreamaline,
as
its
name
may
suggest,
should
be
a
patent
medicine,
by
taking
which
man
should
become
oblivious
to
care."
"What's
the
matter
with
champagne
for
that?"
interrupted
the
Genial
Old
Gentleman
who
occasionally
imbibes.
"Champagne
has
some
good
points,"
said
the
Idiot.
"But
there
are
two
drawbacks--the
effects
and
the
price.
Both
of
these
drawbacks,
so
far
from
making
us
oblivious
to
our
cares,
add
to
them.
The
superiority
of
Dreamaline
over
champagne,
or
even
over
beer,
which
is
comparatively
cheap,
is
that
one
dose
of
Dreamaline,
costing
one
cent,
will
do
more
for
the
patient
than
one
case
of
champagne
or
one
keg
of
beer;
it
is
not
intoxicating
or
ruinous
to
the
purse.
Furthermore,
it
is
more
potent
for
good,
since,
under
its
genial
influences,
man
can
do
that
to
which
he
aspires,
or,
what
is
perhaps
better
yet,
merely
imagine
that
he
is
doing
that
to
which
he
aspires,
and
so
avoid
the
disappointment
which
I
am
told
always
comes
with
ambition
achieved.
"Take,
for
instance,
the
literary
man.
We
know
of
many
cases
in
which
the
literary
man
has
stimulated
his
imagination
by
means
of
drugs,
and
while
under
the
influence
has
penned
the
most
marvellous
tales.
That
man
sacrifices
himself
for
the
delectation
of
others.
In
order
to
write
something
for
the
world
to
rave
over,
he
takes
a
dose
which
makes
him
rave,
and
which
ultimately
kills
him.
Dreamaline
will
make
this
entirely
unnecessary.
Instead
of
the
writers
taking
hasheesh,
the
reader
takes
Dreamaline.
Instead
of
one
man
having
to
smoke
opium
for
millions,
the
millions
take
Dreamaline
for
themselves
as
individuals.
I
would
have
the
scientists,
then,
the
chemists,
study
the
subject
carefully,
decide
what
quality
it
is
in
hasheesh
that
makes
a
writer
conceive
of
these
horrible
situations,
put
this
into
a
nostrum,
and
sell
it
to
those
who
like
horrible
situations,
and
let
them
dream
their
own
stories."
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