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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
93
"Very
interesting,"
said
the
Bibliomaniac,
"but
all
readers
do
not
like
horrible
situations.
We
are
not
all
morbid."
"For
which
we
should
be
devoutly
thankful,"
said
the
Idiot.
"But
your
point
is
not
well
taken.
On
each
bottle
of
what
I
should
call
'Literary
Dreamaline,'
to
distinguish
it
from
'Art
Dreamaline,'
'Scientific
Dreamaline,'
and
so
on,
I
should
have
printed
explicit
directions
showing
consumers
how
the
dose
should
be
modified
to
meet
the
consumer's
taste.
One
man
likes
a
De
Maupassant
story.
Let
him
take
his
Dreamaline
straight,
lie
down
and
dream.
He'd
get
his
De
Maupassant
story
with
a
vengeance.
Another
likes
the
modern
story
in
realism--a
story
in
which
a
prize
might
be
offered
to
the
reader
who
finds
a
situation,
an
incident
in
the
three
hundred
odd
pages
of
the
book
he
reads.
This
man
could
take
a
spoonful
of
Dreamaline
and
dilute
it
to
his
taste.
A
drop
of
Dreamaline,
which
taken
raw
would
give
a
man
a
dream
like
Doctor
Jekyll
and
Mr.
Hyde,
put
into
a
hogshead
of
pure
water
would
enable
the
man
who
took
a
spoonful
of
it
before
going
to
bed
to
fall
asleep
and
walk
through
a
three-volume
novel
by
Henry
James.
Thus
every
man
could
get
what
he
wanted
at
small
expense.
Dreamaline
for
readers
sold
at
a
dollar
a
quart
would
give
every
consumer
as
big
and
varied
a
library
as
he
wished,
and
would
be
a
great
saving
to
the
eyes.
People
would
have
more
time
for
other
pleasures
if
by
taking
a
dose
of
Dreamaline
before
retiring
they
could
get
all
their
literature
in
their
sleeping
hours.
Then
every
bottle
would
pay
for
itself
ten
times
over
if
on
awakening
the
next
morning
the
consumer
would
write
out
the
story
he
had
dreamed
and
publish
it
for
the
benefit
of
those
who
were
afraid
to
take
the
medicine."
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