Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
Share image
1
150
Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
94
"DEAR
SIR,--We
beg
to
acknowledge
your
letter
of
application
and
cheque
for
fifteen
dollars.
After
a
careful
comparison
of
your
case
with
the
average
modern
standard,
we
are
pleased
to
accept
you
as
a
first-class
risk."
Borrowing
a
Match
You
might
think
that
borrowing
a
match
upon
the
street
is
a
simple
thing.
But
any
man
who
has
ever
tried
it
will
assure
you
that
it
is
not,
and
will
be
prepared
to
swear
to
the
truth
of
my
experience
of
the
other
evening.
I
was
standing
on
the
corner
of
the
street
with
a
cigar
that
I
wanted
to
light.
I
had
no
match.
I
waited
till
a
decent,
ordinary-looking
man
came
along.
Then
I
said:
"Excuse
me,
sir,
but
could
you
oblige
me
with
the
loan
of
a
match?"
"A
match?"
he
said,
"why
certainly."
Then
he
unbuttoned
his
overcoat
and
put
his
hand
in
the
pocket
of
his
waistcoat.
"I
know
I
have
one,"
he
went
on,
"and
I'd
almost
swear
it's
in
the
bottom
pocket--or,
hold
on,
though,
I
guess
it
may
be
in
the
top--just
wait
till
I
put
these
parcels
down
on
the
sidewalk."
"Oh,
don't
trouble,"
I
said,
"it's
really
of
no
consequence."
"Oh,
it's
no
trouble,
I'll
have
it
in
a
minute;
I
know
there
must
be
one
in
here
somewhere"--he
was
digging
his
fingers
into
his
pockets
as
he
spoke--"but
you
see
this
isn't
the
waistcoat
I
generally...."
I
saw
that
the
man
was
getting
excited
about
it.
"Well,
never
mind,"
I
protested;
"if
that
isn't
the
waistcoat
that
you
generally--why,
it
doesn't
matter."
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
