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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
95
"They'd
be
easy,"
said
the
Idiot.
"I
wouldn't
have
any
hasheesh
in
the
mixture
for
them.
Welsh
rarebit
would
do,
and
you'd
get
poems
so
mysterious
and
jokes
so
uproarious
that
the
whole
world
would
soon
be
filled
with
wonder
and
with
laughter.
In
short,
Dreamaline
would
go
into
every
walk
of
life.
Music,
letters,
art,
poetry,
finance.
Every
man
according
to
his
bent
or
his
tastes
could
partake.
Every
man
could
make
with
it
his
own
little
world
in
which
he
was
himself
the
prime
mover,
and
so
harmless
would
it
be
that
when
next
morning
he
awoke
he
would
be
as
tranquil
and
as
happy
as
a
babe.
I
hope,
gentlemen,
to
see
the
day
when
Dreamaline
is
an
established
fact,
when
we
cannot
enter
a
household
in
the
land
that
does
not
have
hanging
on
its
walls,
after
the
manner
of
those
glass
fire
hand-grenades,
a
wire
rack
holding
a
row
of
bottles
labelled
Art,
Letters,
Music,
and
so
on,
instead
of
libraries,
picture-galleries,
music-rooms,
and
laboratories.
The
rich
and
the
poor
alike
may
have
it.
The
child
who
loves
to
have
stories
told
to
him
will
cry
for
it;
the
poor
wanderer
who
loves
opera
and
cannot
afford
even
to
pass
the
opera-house
in
a
cable-car,
can
go
into
a
drug-store,
and
for
a
cent,
begged
of
a
kind-hearted
pedestrian
on
the
street,
purchase
a
sufficient
quantity
to
imagine
himself
a
box-holder;
the
ambitious
statesman
can
through
its
influences
enjoy
the
sensation
of
thinking
himself
President
of
the
United
States.
Not
a
man,
woman,
or
child
lives
but
would
find
it
a
boon,
and
as
harmless
as
a
Graham
cracker.
That,
gentlemen,
is
my
crowning
invention,
and
until
I
see
it
realized
I
invent
no
more.
Good-morning."
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