Literary Lapses

"Put it back in the pack. Thanks. (Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle--flip)--There, is that it?" (triumphantly). "I don't know. I lost sight of it." "Lost sight of it! Confound it, you have to look at it and see what it is." "Oh, you want me to look at the front of it!" "Why, of course! Now then, pick a card." "All right. I've picked it. Go ahead." (Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle--flip.) "Say, confound you, did you put that card back in the pack?" "Why, no. I kept it." "Holy Moses! Listen. Pick--a--card--just one--look at it--see what it is--then put it back--do you understand?" "Oh, perfectly. Only I don't see how you are ever going to do it. You must be awfully clever." (Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle--flip.) "There you are; that's your card, now, isn't it?" (This is the supreme moment.) "NO. THAT IS NOT MY CARD." (This is a flat lie, but Heaven will pardon you for it.) "Not that card!!!! Say--just hold on a second. Here, now, watch what you're at this time. I can do this cursed thing, mind you, every time. I've done it on father, on mother, and on every one that's ever come round our place. Pick a card. (Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle--flip, bang.) There, that's your card." "NO. I AM SORRY. THAT IS NOT MY CARD. But won't you try it again? Please do. Perhaps you are a little excited--I'm afraid I was rather stupid. Won't you go and sit quietly by yourself on the back verandah for half an hour and then try? You have to go home? Oh, I'm so sorry. It must be such an awfully clever little trick. Good night!"