Symzonia: Voyage of Discovery

Having completed this important paper, which I composed with great care, knowing that many wars had been waged for a less cause than a right to so valuable a continent, I had it engraved on a plate of sheathing copper, with a spread eagle at the top, and at the bottom a bank, with 100 dollar bills tumbling out of the doors and windows, to denote the amazing quantity and solidity of the wealth of my country. When it was completed by the blacksmith, who was something of a proficient in the fine arts, I went on shore with all the officers and men that could be spared from the ship, taking my music, two pieces of cannon, some wine for my officers, and plenty of grog for the men. We marched up the shore with great pomp, the music playing and colours flying, to a convenient spot, where I buried the copper plate, and rolled upon it as large a stone as the whole ship's company could move, and ordered the blacksmith to engrave upon it, in large deep letters, "Seaborn's Land, A. D. 1817." A liberty pole was then erected on the spot, and the standard of the United States displayed upon it; all of which being accomplished, I ordered a salute to be fired of one gun for every State. "How many will that be, sir?" asked Mr. Boneto, adding, that they came so fast he could not keep the run of them. Slim said it was twenty-one. I objected to that number, as being the royal salute of Great-Britain, and settled the matter by telling them to fire away till they were tired of it, and finish off with a few squibs for the half-made States. We completed the ceremony with a plenty of grog, and reiterated huzzas, as usual, and thus established the title of the United States to this newly discovered country, in the most incontestible manner, and strictly according to rule.