The Inventions of the Idiot

"You certainly do draw a roseate picture," said Mr. Whitechoker. "I do indeed," said the Idiot, "and the paint is laid on thick." "Well, I hope it goes," said the Poet. "I'll make a deposit the first day of three hundred and sixty-seven ballads, four hundred and twenty-three couplets, eighty-nine rondeaus, and one epic about ten yards in length, all of which I have in my desk at this moment." "Very well," said the Idiot, rising, "With that encouragement from you I feel warranted in ordering the 'Not Good' stamp at least." X Some Electrical Suggestions "If I were beginning life all over again," said the Idiot, "I'd be an electrician. It seems to me that of all modern pursuits, barring architecture perhaps, electricity is the most fascinating." "There's probably more money in it than there is in Idiocy, too, I fancy," said the Bibliomaniac, dryly. "Well, I should think so," assented the Idiot. "Idiocy is merely an intellectual diversion. Electricity is a practical science. Idiocy cannot be said to be anything more than a luxury, while electricity has become a necessity. I do not even claim that any real lasting benefit can come to the world through Idiocy, but in electricity are possibilities, not yet realized, for which the world will be distinctly better and happier." "It is kind of you to speak so highly of electricity," said the Doctor. "The science may now advance, knowing that you approve." "Approve?" cried the Idiot. "Approve is not the word, sir. I enthuse--and why should I not, feeling, as I do, that in the electrical current lies the germ of the Elixir of Life! I thoroughly believe that a bottle of liquefied electricity would make us all young."