The Journal of a Disappointed Man

On Lighting Chloe's Cigarette R---- remarked to-day that he intended writing a lyric on lighting Chloe's cigarette. "Ah!" I said at once appreciative, "now tell me, do you balance your hand--by gently (ever so gently) resting the extreme tip of your little finger upon her chin, and" (I was warming up) "do you hold the match vertically or horizontally, and do you light it in the dark or in the light? If you have finesse, you won't need to be told that the thing is to get a steady flame and the maximum of illumination upon her face to last over a period for as long as possible." "Chloe," replied R----, "is wearing now a charming blouse with a charming V-shaped opening in front. Her Aunt asked my Mother last night tentatively, 'How do you like Chloe's blouse? Is it too low?' My Mother scrutinised the dear little furry, lop-eared thing and answered doubtfully, 'No, Maria, I don't think so.'" "How ridiculous! Why the V is a positive signpost. My dear fellow," I said to R----, "I should refuse to be bluffed by those old women. Tell them you know." Carlyle called Lamb a despicable abortion. What a crime! May 2.