The Journal of a Disappointed Man

On the whole, then, I lead a pretty disgraceful inner life--excepting when I pull myself together and smile benignly on all things with a philosophical smugness, such as is by no means my mood at this present moment. I am so envious that a reprint of one of Romney's Ramus girls sends me into a dry tearless anger--for the moment till I turn over the next page.... Inwardly I was exacerbated this morning when R---- recited, "Come and have a tiddle at the old Brown Bear," and explained how a charming "young person" sang this at breakfast the other morning. It was simply too charming for him to hear. To-night as I brushed my hair, I decided I was quite good-looking, and I believe I mused that E---- was really a lucky girl.... All that is the matter with me is a colossal conceit and a colossal discontent, qualities exaggerated where a man finds himself in an environment which .... You observant people will notice that this explanation is something of a self-defence whereby the virtue goes out of my confession. I plead guilty, but great and unprecedented provocation as well. Intense pride of individuality forbids that I should ever be other than, shall I say, amiably disposed towards myself au fond, however displeased I may be with my environment. It is indeed impossible without sending him to a lunatic asylum ever to knock a man off the balance of his self-esteem.... A man's loyalty to himself is the most pig-headed thing imaginable.