Perfect Behavior: A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises

You then hang up the receiver, take a drink in one hand and say, “Fellows, I have a very solemn message for you. It’s a message which is of deep importance to each one of us. Fellows— her father and mother object to the use of alcohol in any form.” This statement will be greeted with applause and cheers. You will all then take one more drink, put on your silk hats and gray gloves, and leave the room singing, “Her father and mother object to drink— parlez vous.” The tea given by the bride’s parents is generally a small affair to which only the members of the wedding party are invited. When you and the ushers arrive, you will find the bride, the maid of honor and the bridesmaids waiting for you. As you enter the room, make a polite bow to the bride’s father and mother, and be sure to apologize for your lateness. Nothing so betrays the social “oil can” as a failure to make a plausible excuse for tardiness. Whenever you are late for a party you must always have ready some good reason for your fault, such as, “Excuse me, Mrs. Doe, I’m afraid I am a little late, but you see, just as I was dressing, this filling dropped out of my tooth and I had to have it put back in.” If the host and hostess seem to doubt your statement, it would be well to show them the recalcitrant filling in question, although if they are “well-bred” they will probably in most cases take you at your word.