Perfect Behavior: A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises

TRAVELLING UNDER STEAM And now we come to that most complex form of travel— the railroad journey. Let us suppose that instead of attempting to walk to New York you have elected to go on the “train.” On the day of your departure you should carefully pack your bag or suitcase, taking care to strap and lock it securely. You can then immediately unstrap and unlock it in order to put in the tooth paste and shaving brush which you forgot to bring from the bathroom. Arriving at the station promptly on the time scheduled for the train to depart you will find that because of “daylight saving time” you have exactly an hour to wait. The time, however, can be amusingly and economically spent in the station as follows: 11 weighing machines @.01 =.11; 3 weighing machines @.05 =.15; 1 weighing machine (out of order).09; 17 slot machines (chocolate and gum) @.01 =.17. Total cost— .50, unless, of course, you eat the chocolate. Upon the arrival of the train you consult your ticket to find that you have “lower 9” in car 43. Walking back to the end of the train and entering car 43 you will find, in berth number 9, a tired woman and two small children. You will also find a hat box, a bird cage, a bag of oranges, a bag of orange peelings, a shoe-box of lunch, a rag doll, a toy balloon, half a “cookie” and 8,000,000 crumbs. The tired woman will then say to you “Are you the gentleman who has the lower berth?” to which you answer “Yes.” She will then say “Well say— we’ve got the upper— and I wonder if you would mind—” “Not at, all,” you reply, “I should be only too glad to give you my lower.” This is always done.