Perfect Behavior: A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises

An Inexperienced “Gun” You will exclaim, no doubt, on looking at the scene depicted above, “Cherchez la femme.” It is, however, nothing so serious as you will pardonably suppose. The gentleman is merely an inexperienced “gun” at a shooting-party, who has begun following his bird before it has risen above the head of his loader. This very clumsy violation of the etiquette of sport proves, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he has learned to shoot from the comic papers, and that his coat-of-arms can never again be looked upon as anything but bogus. LISTENING TO A SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA The first thing to do on arriving at a symphony concert is to express the wish that the orchestra will play Beethoven’s Fifth. If your companion then says “Fifth what?” you are safe with him for the rest of the evening; no metal can touch you. If, however, he says “So do I”— this is a danger signal and he may require careful handling. The next step is a glance at the program. If your escort is quite good looking and worth cultivating, the obvious remark is “Oh dear— not a very interesting program, to-night. But George— look at what they are playing next Thursday! My, I wish—.” If George shies at this, it can be tried again later— say during an “appassionato” passage for the violins and cellos. As soon as the music starts, all your attention should be directed toward discovering someone who is making a noise— whispering or coughing; having once located such a creature, you should immediately “sh-sh” him. Should he continue the offence, a severe frown must accompany the next “sh-sh,” a lorgnette— if available— adding great effectiveness to the rebuke. This will win you the gratitude of your neighbors and serve to establish your position socially, as well as musically— for perfect “sh-shers” do not come from the lower classes.